he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
