he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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