You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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