when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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