i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
