You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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