How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
