I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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