I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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