similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize