anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
