I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
