I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
