I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
