We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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