I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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