you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
