Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
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