Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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