I can text with my tongue
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize