you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
