But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
