Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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