Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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