I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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