That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
