You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
