somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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