i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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