i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
