Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
