I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
