I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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