its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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