Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize