You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
