We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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