Having a random hookup so left but love u
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
