it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
