And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize