oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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