I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
