And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
