I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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