I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
