You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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