dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
