ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
