dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize