it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
