just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize