When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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