I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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