wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
