i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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