I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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