How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
