If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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