Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
