I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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