We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
