Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
