How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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