I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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