he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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