What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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