you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
