but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
