i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
