He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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