I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
