I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
