thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
