Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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