woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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