??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
