Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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