Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
