I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
