ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
