he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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