omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Holy shit dude........stairs
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
