i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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