Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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