Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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