I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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