You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
