I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
