i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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