Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
